(Once Upon a Time) Wait... I'm Still a Hoe.

Look, I like to fuck. That’s it. If I’m a hoe for fuckin’ then let me be a hoe, IN PEACE!

Not too long ago I was sharing space designated for folks who are sex positive (having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality). After a night of messed up sheets, filled up condoms, red ass cheeks, heavy breathing, and some of the best ‘damn that was good’ sleep; I informed my comrades about my AMAZING NIGHT!

While the majority of folks gave me my 10’s and asking for explicit details (a few even requested a video) I felt like I was in a no judgment zone for real. UNTIL the chop came. A young man, who I did have intentions of trying to smash (remember I’m a hoe y’all), let the group know he deleted all of his dating/hookup apps because he “has all the men he needs”. Me thinking that I was in the unknown of his polyamorous relationship (practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners), I asked him to elaborate. Simply put he told me, “I can’t find a relationship on all those HOE sites. Take notes niece”. Yes, my hoe ass was triggered.

I remember when I caught chlamydia. Bitch, she’s NO FUCKIN’ FUN! One of the worst curable STD’s I’ve ever caught. I was unpacking with my mom during one of our catch up calls. I felt comfortable letting her know about my sexual health. “Well the doctor said I have chlamydia.” Her words stung like rubbing alcohol after getting a fresh cut, “Well you know that wouldn’t happen if you weren’t being a slut.” Damn… I thought she’d be a little understanding hence the fact when I told her I had HIV, it was nothing but waterworks. Again, I felt triggered, shameful, and just low.

As stated, I am a person living with HIV. When I was first diagnosed in 2012, of course sex was the last thing on my mind as I literally thought I was going to die (undetectable going on 6 years and healthy as ever! Know your status and get tested today!). Me thinking I was never going to be able to have sex again hurt my soul. Yes, even after finding out I have a chronic illness stemming from sexual behaviors I was worried about never getting dick again. Bitch, what? Don’t judge.

In a society that thrives off of rape culture (a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality) slut shaming (the practice of criticizing people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality) is a part of the everyday conversation pertaining to people who have sex. Which is a lot of us.

Think about it, we live in a world where people will praise Kim Kardashian as a sex symbol with some not knowing before her sex tape with Ray J surfaced, she was a secret shopper to the stars and organizing closets. But when they homeboy/girl record themselves fuckin’ on camera, we wanna talk about morals and how much of a slut that person is. Yet, porn is still being viewed… right! Or how about, when a woman is raped and people say, “She was asking for it! Look at what she was wearing!” As if, she was picking out her clothes like, “Yes ma’am, this is the perfect shirt to get raped in.” Child please, kiss my whole ass with that foolishness.

Sex is normal. We put such a stigma around sex that people are so scared to talk about it. How you think you got here reading this blog? Yep, your dad ran up in your mama raw. Sorry if that gave you a visual! Amber Rose’s Slut Walk in LA gained media attention because of course when you hear “slut walk” you think a bunch of sluts walking, right? When in fact she’s taking the power away when it comes to the words “slut” “whore” etc and allowing people, especially women, embrace their sexuality all the while raising awareness surrounding rape culture, slut shaming, and empowering rape survivors. Think about it, folks don’t feel bad for the sex worker who is sexually assaulted because they have sex for money. But let the valedictorian nudes leak, people will be shocked because “I would’ve never knew.” Child, remember when Terry Crews talked about his sexual harassment experience and the world laughed at him? Yes, people think that men can’t be sexually assaulted. It’s fucked up.

Yes, in a perfect world without judgments people would be more open to being themselves in a holistic approach when it comes to sex and all the conversations surrounding it. Look how hard it is for parents to talk to their children about sex during the puberty years. Look at the sexual education that takes place in this country. It’s all scare tactics. Basically, “if you/they don’t have an oozing sore or look like a corpse, you’re good to go but still wait til marriage because sex is sacred because if you have sex before then you’ll get pregnant or have a STD” is what our youth is being taught. Not saying that we should tell kids how great sex is but we should at least give em a happy medium.

When I go into spaces with students, I always tell them that adult decisions come with adults consequences. If you’re going to have sex, have sex to where you’re BOTH consenting to the act, you’re BOTH enjoying it, and you’re BOTH on the same page as far as contraceptives regarding one’s sexual health. These kids are out here having sex like rabbits with statistics showing that 13-24 year old’s are the highest newly diagnosed cases of HIV, clearly we’re missing the mark.

All in all, I have no problem owning my sexual behaviors without any hesitation or restraints. Yes, my yum may be someone else’s yuck but I’m not asking anyone to like what I like. I’m simply asking people to look at their own hoeness before they judge mine. I’m sure you’ve got a few hoe stories that were written in KY jelly before you settled down. When it comes to sex, we just have to further educate ourselves whether looking up new kinky shit to try or listening to someone share their experience of being assaulted.

Sex has been around since the beginning of time and will continue to be around as long as it brings babies into the world and sends orgasms through the body.

I will continue to have sex as I hope you do too. We all know what turns us on, who are we to judge how someone else get their nut (unless in the form of rape, pedophilia, and molestation)? Allow me to be your favorite hoe. I love you, happy hoing.

Michael Lamb